Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm eating all of the evidence.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
