Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's blow job season.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
