I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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