You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
