I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
