I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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