Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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