Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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