Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
