Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Someone signed my nipple.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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