Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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