I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
