the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
