Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How external is "for external use only"?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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