if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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