three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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