Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
