I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
