she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
