trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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