Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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