I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
