I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
