My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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