Cold hands, warm shart.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
