so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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