my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
