I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There r osticjed everywhere
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
