We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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