About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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