Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
