Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
