If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
