i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
