saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
