New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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