Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
