Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
