and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
