you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
