she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
