dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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