ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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