YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
