I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
