Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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