I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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