I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
