you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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