So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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