so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
