Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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