She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
