It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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