i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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