I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
