The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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