Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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