He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
