Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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