i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
