Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
