Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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