You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
