I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
