I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
