What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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