Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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