My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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