I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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