Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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