Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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